If running late was an olympic sport, I'd be a gold medalist.

My mom would be my trainer.


My children would be my proteges.


My shoe sponsor would be Zappos.com...mainly because figuring out which pair I should wear to today is a large part of my success in running late.


When I retired, I could go around the world doing speaking engagements. (Word of advice to the organizers. Give me a call time 15 minutes before my actual call time.)

There are negatives to being a champion though....


Happy Hour becomes Happy 45 Minutes


Leisurely drives become NASCAR events.

Welcoming smiles become annoyed glares.

But let's be serious....I get 15 more minutes of beauty rest everyday. Otherwise, I'd look like this by now...

Wouldn't you rather wait on me?

Who Wears Short Shorts?

Hooray! Today is May 1st! According to my mom, we can now wear shorts. 

Enjoy May boys and girls. Before you know it June 1 will be here and we can all jump in the pool finally. And you know what that means, right?


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Are you beach body ready yet? 

Don't call it a comeback...it's a grand re-entrance.

What kind of idiot tries to make a blogging comeback on a Friday?!? The day that nooooobody reads blogs...


Brains aren't really a requirement when you're a princess.


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Anyabsence...many have been asking where I've been and what I've been up to.


I've been traveling the tri-city world, bumping into celebrities and making them feel awkward while my prince takes a picture having dinner with dignitaries, eating exercising, goofing off on Facebook writing my memoir. 

No celebrity was harmed much in this photo. And for you young kids who don't recognize him, ask your parents about Bill Murray. He was not THRILLED but tolerated us to take this photo.


I know all three of you are excited about my major comeback. Feel free to tell your readers alert the press. I'm sure they'll want to put me on the list with all the other notable comebackers like Michael Jordan, Brett Farve, LL Cool J, Steven Tyler, Betty White, Jesus Christ....


Right?

Hello...hello...hellooooooooo...is anybody in here?

I totally almost wrote a blog post the other day. But then I quickly dismissed it. I mean, after all this time, are any of my peeps still here? Is there anyone left to read this?

*silent pause*

*microphone screeches feedback*

*audience covers their ears*

(and by "audience" I clearly mean "dust bunnies")

And of course now I'm trying to picture how a dust bunny would be able to cover their ears. I'm assuming dust bunnies would have big, long ears like regular bunnies. Do dust bunnies have arms and hands? How will they cover up those gianormous ears? I'm not real sure about their anatomical features since I am a princess and spend very little time with dust bunnies. I have people for that you know.

Perhaps I should just stop right here since I am probably just talking to myself again at this point.

If you're here, I welcome your comment.

Even if it's an ugly comment.

I'm that desperate curious.

*wails, sobs, then silently cries herself to sleep*

^^End Scene^^

*Squints with one eye to see if anyone bought the act*
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But seriously...leave a comment.

Bucket Lists and Idiots

A few days ago:

Me: Should I try to get us a field for baseball practice on Saturday afternoon since our last two got rained out?

Prince: We can't do it Saturday afternoon. I'm pulling a jet.

Me: Huh?

Prince: I'm pulling a jet.

Me: *puzzled look on my face*

Prince: I'm going to be part of a team that pulls a Southwest jet on their inaugural flight into *town we live near* Each county has put together a team and I was asked to be on our county's team.

Me: You're stupid. You are not actually doing that.

Prince: Yes, I am.

Me: No, you're not.

Prince: Why do you think I went and got the cortisone shot and the fluid drained off my knee that already needs surgery?

Me: That's EXACTLY why you shouldn't PULL A JET!!!

Prince: But how many chances do you have to do something like this? I'll get to check something off my bucket list.

Me: You had no idea this was even a bucket list option!

Prince: I'm doing it.

Me: You're stupid.

Heir to the throne: Mommy, you're not supposed to call people stupid.

Me: You can if it's true, son.

First Southwest flight to land *here*

Here comes the 83,000 lb plane!

The "A" Team...otherwise known as the Band of Idiots...getting set to pull the 737.

They won the first round! On to the second...

A local 1-AA College Offensive and Defensive Line getting ready to pull.

Against NCAA regulations? (Kidding....it wasn't!)

Pull #2 for the "A" Team

That's the Prince in the front with the black hat.

Even with my baby as the anchor, they just couldn't beat the young guns.

But a second place trophy isn't too shabby for a bunch of geezers!

And for your viewing pleasure.......

And yes, they almost ran into the crowd and through the fence. I guess once they got the locomotive started, it was just too hard to stop it.

So here we have it....marked off the bucket list. Now I have to go call our insurance company and see if "Stupidity" is a covered diagnosis.

Convo with the Prince

Here's another short but sweet one:


Me: I heard a quote today that I really liked and think it would be good for you to use in your game day speeches with the kids.


Prince: What? 


*Pretends to humor me while flipping through channels wishing I would go back to playing Angry Birds*


Me: "Winning isn't everything, but TRYING to win is."


*looks at the prince smiling while waiting for his response while he continues to flip channels*


Prince: Winning isn't everything, but second place sucks. You can quote me.


Me: *rolls eyes*


Gotta love him....

The Prince's 2010 First Place Baseball Team

Random Ramblings

Dear Chocolate Chip Pizza from Pizza Inn,


You are of the devil.


I can't quit you.


Signed,
Jello Butt

(Disclaimer: I obviously snagged that pic from google images. The give away is that the plate only has two slices.)

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You know those little cans of extremely concentrated room sprays?

Husbands should not be allowed to operate them.

*cough cough*  *gag*  *wheeze*

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True Fact (According to Princess): 47 degrees and sunny starts to feel like 70 degrees when you've had so many bitter cold days in a row.

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The Princess of Sarcasm is now accepting offers to review vacation spots in Key West, Costa Rico, Turks and Caicos, or any other place where the winter attire includes flip flops...